PLEASE FORGET

He comes and sits on the bench next to me.

And I could feel, feel it in my heart that something was wrong.

It was happening again.

Because you know, sometimes I see a little wrinkle take shape in his brow

and a shadow cross his eyes as they grow sullen and distant.

And I wonder if he is seeing her.

Her strawberry blonde bangs sweeping her forehead

and her smile leaking a laugh that could soften stone hearts.

So refined, so golden and steady she is.

So beautiful and wise.

So unlike what he's stuck himself with now.

He blinks, hard, and I see him shake the longing as an opportunity missed.

He turns his head back to me, and forces a grin of mediocre satisfaction,

he moves his hand over to mine, and places our palms together,

then our fingers sink to interlock to one, as well.

And he squeezes.

And my heart breaks, because I know.

His painful attempt to reassure me,

I'm not her.

But I'll do.

 

I smile back, and lean my head on his shoulder.

We turn and watch the…

Well, nothing really.

There were a few trees in the park,

There were a few kids running around.

There were a few bugs around our feet.

And there were some clouds holding rain up above.

I thought about the clouds.

I wanted them to break open.

I wanted them to pour out the water.

Dump it, all of it, right on top of us.

Because that’s how I felt.

Because that’s how it’s supposed to feel.

Broken, and poured out.

Emptied.

Words don’t exist sometimes for what hearts want to say.

But that’s how it goes.

Because that’s how it is supposed to go.

 

We exchange a few words.

A few facts about our day.

I’m quiet, and I wonder if he knows that I know.

He touches my arm again and electricity happens.

I wish it wouldn’t.

He says lies again.

I wish he wouldn’t.

I avoid his eyes.

I can read right through them.

I can’t do this.

I breathe in hard and deep,

I kiss him quickly on the cheek and I turn and get up.

I say goodbye.

I walk away, leaving him there, on the bench.

Leaving him right there.

The kind of exit that happens in movies.

And a tear swelled then, and fell on my cheek.

But I didn’t do it, friend.

I did not look back.

He always belonged to her first.